TORONTO – September 11 – To thwart the “New World Order” media blackout against GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul, on the winter solstice, a sacred day for pagans, Toronto will play host to the first ever “Virgin Sacrifice for World Peace”, organized by The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts.

“I will personally deflower 7 virgins, each representing one of the sacred seals of The New Testament’s Book of Revelations. The breaking of the 7th hymen will release enough energy to breach the time-space continuum, and overpower the blackout”, said Dimitri The Lover, otherwise known as “The Prophet” by members of his faith.

The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts is based on the belief that The Prophet pelvic-thrusted a slut so hard that his penis accelerated back in time and impregnated the Virgin Mary. Since it is widely accepted that Jesus is the son of God, The Prophet therefore asserts that he is God. He also asserts that the Greeks are God’s “chosen people”.

“We support The Prophet on his quest to rid the world of war”, said Jasmine C., a 21 year old philosophy student and proud member of The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts. “Being a slut since my early teens, I am disqualified from the Virgin Sacrifice, but I entered my gorgeous 18 year old sister. She’s a shy bookworm, but a great kisser. I wanted her first time to be special. Nothing is more special than being popped by The Prophet!” When asked how Jasmine knew her sister was a “great kisser”, she blushed, winked, and politely asked that her surname be withheld.

Event proceeds will be directed toward building the world’s largest rotating double headed dildo, to be presented to the American people for the express purpose of simultaneously silencing both Hillary Clinton and Ann Coulter. Attendees will also be asked to sign a petition to repeal Canada Criminal Code Section 296, in that it violates The Prophet’s free speech rights. The petition will be presented to the hottest bible-thumping hunk in parliament, Stockwell Day.

The evening also features a sneak peek of Dimitri The Lover’s upcoming book, Mein Kock, an anti-metrosexual forum, highlighted by the burning of a metrosexual effigy, and a discussion of Dimitri The Lover’s controversial seduction program, “Women Worship You”.

WHEN: Friday December 21, 2007, 8PM
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