Meeting Announcements

⇒ August 2009

HIGHLY ILLUMINATING MEETING

August 12, 2009


***IF YOU ARE THE PROUD OWNER OF A HETEROSEXUAL PENIS THEN YOU MUST ATTEND THIS EVENT. IT WILL BE THE MOST FUN YOU WILL EVER HAVE ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT.***

As most people are aware, Dimitri The Lover is a MEDICAL DOCTOR. However, few people know that he NEVER uses condoms when he pleasures sluts. No man or woman wants a condom to stand in the way of their full sexual potential. Furthermore, Dimitri The Lover is of the opinion that if you have penetrated a woman whilst wearing a condom, actual intercourse never took place. Instead, the two of you mutually masturbated against either side of a sheet of latex. Therefore, you cannot count the sexual encounter as a REAL conquest.

There are two questions men often ask of Dimitri The Lover: Firstly, how does he convince over 95% of new conquests to forgo condom use, even if they are die-hard condom fanatics? (he kicks the remaining 5% out of bed) And secondly, how can he bang hundreds of women without a condom, yet still be healthy and disease-free?

So the theme of our next TORONTO REAL MEN meeting is “I’D RATHER JERK OFF THAN USE A RUBBER”. It will feature Dimitri The Lover lecturing for 3 solid hours on how during the 1980’s, in order to obtain research funding from straight men holding the purse strings, homosexual male lobby groups propagated the MYTH that HIV was also a heterosexual male disease. The Prophet will explain how heterosexual males NOT USING A CONDOM have a ZERO PERCENT chance of catching anything other than HPV (which almost 100% of successful man whores are carriers of anyway) … provided they do a certain thing BEFORE penetrating a slut, and another thing IMMEDIATELY AFTER they finish pleasuring her. Dimitri The Lover will discuss a vaccine every man should get even though there is little chance of catching the disease associated with it. He will also touch on basic healthy lifestyle habits that will boost your immune system into overdrive and help you destroy any pathogens that dare to come in contact with your sacred man meat!

Dimitri The Lover will teach you how to convince the vast majority of sluts to forgo condom use by giving them a paternalistic, condescending educational lecture about how they cannot catch anything serious from a man who has never taken it up the ass, and how condoms provide a false sense of security because the transmission of many STD’s, such as herpes, cannot be completely prevented EVEN WITH CONDOM USE! He will teach you how to employ withdrawal and rhythm methods of birth control on a fertile slut with 100% EFFECTIVENESS. Dimitri The Lover will also explain why birth control pills are dangerous. No woman should ever put harmful chemicals into her body, so you should take charge as the intellectually superior member of the species and lecture her on this fact.

The Prophet will illuminate you on how to tell if a woman is the type of psycho that would purposely get knocked up by lying about being safe. Since he personally believes ABORTION IS MURDER, Dimitri The Lover is extra careful about making sure to conduct a complete psychological profile on a slut before he decides to add a side order of tzaziki to the souvlaki she’s marinating. Since over 60% of women experience a severe psychological issue some time during their lives, this part of the meeting is crucial.

IMPORTANT WARNING: Most men know that “brown baggers” (women with ugly faces but amazing bodies that you bang secretly but never take out in public) are awesome in bed. However, if you are banging a “brown bagger”, no matter how convinced you are that she is safe, you should ALWAYS PULL OUT, because if by fluke you impregnate her, your friends would subsequently find out what you did, causing you major public humiliation.

POLITICALLY DANGEROUS BONUS TOPIC:

Many of you may already be aware of the controversial CBC documentary entitled “THE DISAPPEARING MALE”. In it they uncover the FEMINIZING effects of exposure to various chemicals in the plastic containers, face creams, and other products we use each day. You can see the full length documentary in high definition clarity at this link:

www.cbc.ca/documentaries/2008/disappearingmale

However, very few people are aware that since as far back as the mid-90’s, Dimitri The Lover has been sounding alarm bells regarding the covert PSYCHOLOGICAL AND CHEMICAL FEMINIZATION of heterosexual men. FEMINIZING heterosexual men makes them less assertive, more obedient, far less likely to question the harmful decisions of authoritarian entities, and far more likely to consume cheap, plentiful carbs in lieu of expensive, scarce protein. Therefore, it prevents them from arming themselves, rising up, and toppling oppressive regimes. Since carbs metabolize quickly, these SHE-MEN are constantly hungry--too busy searching for a fast food snack to put up a decent fight. This MASS FEMINIZATION of men ran concurrent with a MASS MASCULINIZATION of women. The latter campaign forced horny, happily barefoot and pregnant tri-orificed beings into the workplace, thereby increasing available pooled man hours and subsequently lowering the value of each male worker’s output. When women inevitably began to decompensate psychologically due to unnatural work roles combined with a lack of sex, antidepressants and anxiolytics were developed to place each one of these ignorant sluts in a numb robotic state.

This decades-long covert FEMINIZATION operation has been conducted by an AXIS OF EMASCULATION composed of the:

Their goal of creating a society composed of assertive working women who maintain submission of timid men through pussy-whipping and the withholding of sex as a control weapon has almost been achieved. To further their master plan, the bizarre concept of WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARASSMENT was concocted. Then, in the same way that law enforcement uses “disorderly conduct” and "corrupting morals" charges as catch-all abuses of power to harass social undesirables, the term POLITICAL CORRECTNESS was coined as a concept which covers any item that does not neatly fit into the FEMINIZATION criteria of the AXIS OF EMASCULATION.

Finally, an attempt to rid the western world of the last few bastions of MASCULINITY is now being attempted through the creation of the METROSEXUAL MOVEMENT”. In the same way that John Connor fights the machines for survival of humanity in “THE TERMINATOR”, Dimitri The Lover has dedicated his life to fight METROSEXUALITY for the survival of MASCULINITY. One can only hope that he lives long enough to see the day when time travel is possible, so he can be sent back to the early 1960’s in order to prevent FEMINISM from taking root in the first place! If he was dressed in robes and if the machine could be calibrated to have him materialize in the Holy Land, with his long hair and scruffy face, no one would dare to question The Prophet’s words during his “SECOND CUMMING”!

What is described above is very scary indeed, but at least Dimitri The Lover utilizes psychotherapy with his meeting attendees each and every month to reverse the effects of this MASS PSYCHOLOGICAL FEMINIZATION. However, for the first time ever, he will also lecture on the broader topic of CHEMICAL FEMINIZATION and how to prevent it. Just some of the points he will cover include:

AN INTERESTING OBSERVATION: Dimitri The Lover never ceases to get a chuckle out of all the hippies, environmentalists, vegans, and health nuts consuming “ORGANIC” products that are sold in PLASTIC CONTAINERS! What the fuck is the point? You’re just trading off pesticides for ESTROGENS.

REMEMBER: Dimitri The Lover is very strict about his chemical exposure. He is 45 years old, looks years younger, has no health problems, flaunts long brown hair, can fuck 4-5 x a day, 7 days a week, can out-fuck men half his age, and can wear out even the most insatiable of 30-something cougars. Furthermore, recent studies have shown that men over 40 who were highly sexually active throughout their lives have a far lower incidence of “erectile dysfunction”. Dimitri The Lover believes that this fact can be attributed to the corpus cavernosum (spongy tissue) of the penis being less likely to develop adhesions and shrinkage because it is constantly inflated and deflated (so the expression “use it or lose it” really does hold true).

Furthermore, the false notion that if you have a “date” scheduled you should not jerk off beforehand so that you can maintain an erection later that night is TOTAL BULLSHIT. A man that is NOT FEMINIZED can get hard again and again, cumming several times in one day. How do you think rich old men maintained huge harems during ancient, chemical-free, happy times? If you cannot fuck more than a couple of times a day, then you need to attend this meeting so that Dimitri The Lover can figure out WHAT is FEMINIZING you and HOW to reverse its effects.

REMARKABLE FACTS: Did you know that the Roman Catholic priesthood is the profession with the highest incidence of prostate cancer? Therefore, one can safely conclude that if you do not evacuate the fluid produced by your prostate either through sex or jerking off, it will build up and damage its cells! And did you know that when autopsies are performed on men that have had vasectomies, microscopically their testicles display burst cells due to backed up sperm that could not escape normally? Also, swelling of the scrotum after the surgery can cause serious damage to your testicles. Both of these effects will lead to FEMINIZATION. If you’re going to have a vasectomy, you might as well get implants, go on hormones, and become a SHE-MALE! It is far safer for your wife to get a tubal ligation through a laparoscopy. Don’t let her pussy whip you into submission!

ONE FINAL NOTE: If you are not getting laid regularly, then for the sake of your health, you should be jerking off several times a day. Also, you should aggressively pull on and stretch your penis as an exercise to maintain healthy blood flow, thereby preventing shrinkage and promoting raging hard-ons. Furthermore, according to the religious protocols of The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts, a man must find a quiet place, whip out his cock, point it toward the CN Tower (as the largest free-standing phallic symbol in the world, it is considered the holiest of sites), then stroke it 69 times, doing so several times a day (in the same way Muslims pray toward Mecca). If your employer protests your request for quiet jerk off breaks, threaten to sue for discrimination on the basis of religion (it IS Canada you know).

Meeting Announcements

⇒ August 2009