Meeting Announcements

⇒ November 2009


November 11, 2009

***If you are a HOMOSEXUAL MALE or a FLAMING METROSEXUAL, here is your FIRST & ONLY opportunity to behold the miracle that is The Prophet, see what happens at our manly meetings, and speak your FABulous mind!***

Not a day goes by during which an irate, naïve homo-Canadian with a homocentric agenda doesn’t threaten Dimitri The Lover with a “HATE CRIME” charge or a “HUMAN RIGHTS” complaint. These futile attempts at stifling his free speech rights are not due to stupidity or ignorance. On the one hand, one can effectively argue that these threats may be related to momentary lapses in judgement from being in delusion’s throes due to visceral reactions to The Prophet’s heterocentric teachings and decrees. However, there is a much simpler, more rational explanation: bisexual women & lesbians are allowed to attend TORONTO REAL MEN meetings as HONOURARY HETEROSEXUAL MALES and bisexual men can attend since they enjoy pussy as well as cock. But homosexual men are denied entry (get it?), explaining why most email complaints we receive are from self-centred PDFF’s (Prima Donna Flaming Faggots) that feel snubbed at not being invited to the festivities.

The HOMOSEXUAL MALE BAN is not just some sort of haphazard, homophobic exercise in discrimination for the sake of being purposely hurtful or exclusionary. The rationale behind the ban is clearly explained HERE. We are not prohibiting homosexual men because we disrespect or detest them, but merely because their attendance at a testosterone-laden event dedicated to raping the minds of hot female sluts would be both inappropriate and disruptive.

Nonetheless, both as a show of good faith and in the spirit of open dialogue & inclusion, and further to convey transparency (unlike the Masonic Order or the Federal Reserve), Dimitri The Lover has decided to give fags and metrosexuals an opportunity as paid attendees to sit in on and participate during one of our TORONTO REAL MEN meetings.

Therefore, the theme of our next TORONTO REAL MEN meeting is “ASK DIMITRI ANYTHING YOU BIG HOMO!” It will feature Dimitri The Lover exposing himself (pardon the pun) for 3 solid hours to any questions posed by anyone, regardless of their gender identity or faggy good looks. In order to facilitate the expected barrage of questions from inquisitive faggots, instead of the usual on-topic lecture followed by Q&A, Dimitri The Lover will dispense with the meeting topic all together and open the forum up to questions right from the outset. As usual, regular attendees can direct their seduction queries to him, while homo-Canadians can either quietly observe the banter, or participate in it with questions of their own. However, HECKLING WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE EXPULSION FROM THE VENUE! (that INCLUDES heterosexuals heckling homosexuals)

In other words, the order to the day will be DON’T ASK DON’T TELL. We will completely turn off our GAYDAR, delude ourselves as to your level of innate masculinity, and allow you admittance to the venue even if you:

Furthermore, the High Priestess of The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts is a LESBIAN, as well as Dimitri The Lover’s live-in girlfriend (she finds women irritating, can only stand them for sex, and prefers loving relationships with dominant heterosexual men). She will be acting as a gender-liaison between the homosexual males and the regular meeting attendees. She is well-equipped for the role of gender facilitator because she is the manager of a flagship location of a large American retail chain; so she knows how to whip bitchy fags’ butts if they refuse to follow the rules or they get out of line. Lately, she has developed the uncanny ability to reduce insubordinate fags to tears during stern but polite attitude adjustments and work performance reviews, using nothing but the tone of her voice and her powerful diva-like aura!

What is most amusing about this particular meeting is that it is coincidentally scheduled on REMEMBERANCE DAY (the day during which we honour all of the brave men and women that were murdered in their prime during unnecessary wars triggered by false flag operations concocted by a conspiracy of the New World Order, Military Industrial Complex, and Greedy World Bankers). We were toying with the idea of giving veterans free admission if they attended in uniform, but became concerned that fags with a uniform fetish would become sexually aroused. There would be nothing more disrespectful on this most sacred of days than the spewing of homospunk onto a uniform! As an aside, it is The Prophet’s opinion that homosexual males should only serve in non-combat roles in that on the battlefield the order of the day is to COVER your buddy’s behind … NOT COVET it!

PLEASE NOTE: As Dimitri The Lover explains in his NOTE ON HOMOSEXUALITY found HERE, homosexuals are sexually disabled individuals suffering from a congenital brain abnormality. They are born that way (so fuck off Bible Thumpers!), it is not their fault, and they should be treated with the same respect that any other disabled person deserves. However, while it is immoral to discriminate against homosexuals, it is perfectly acceptable to treat them differently, such as excluding them from forums in which their attendance is irrelevant or inappropriate. Nonetheless, there is a fine line one must walk between ostracizing and differentiating. And even though you must always be cognizant of the ramifications of your decisions, you must think through any course of action without emotion and stand by your principles, no matter how maligned you subsequently become due to your perceived lack of “humanity”, “sensitivity” or “political correctness”.

Furthermore, the only thing GAYER than a flaming faggot, is a straight guy too insecure to attend this meeting because it may be full of faggots. Having girly men around doesn’t change the veracity of the answers that The Prophet provides to your questions. Also, we highly doubt there is any significant risk of a homo gang rape of the body of a man with a six pack IN his abdomen rather than ON it! And it does not make you any less of a man to occasionally be in the company of homosexual men or to have a homosexual male acquaintance. BUT if you frequent gay bars and hang out with lots of fags, you might as well get out the Vaseline (NOT K-Y Jelly, because it contains feminizing methylparaben). Feeling shame at declaring your friendship with a sexually disabled homosexual man is no different than being embarrassed to be seen in public with a physically disabled man in a wheelchair. It shows your sexual insecurity and makes you LESS OF A MAN.

PLEASE NOTE: Any faggots hitting on meeting attendees (with the exception of other faggots), and any faggots participating in homoerotic activities during the meeting, will be reduced to tears by the High Priestess, bitch-slapped by her, then politely escorted out of the venue. That includes making comments like “If you close your eyes and don’t look down you won’t know who’s doing it”. We encourage faggots to hit on and seduce attending metrosexuals, which are really just closet faggots, so as to put them out of their gender-confused misery by providing them with a first of many homoerotic trysts. Furthermore, a guard will be posted in the washroom at all times to ensure no covert glory hole construction or other illicit stall activities. Also, we know you homosexual men like to party, booze it up, and do lots of drugs, so you must respect our NO ALCOHOL RULE!

SPECIAL RESTRICTION: Many of you may not be aware that Dimitri The Lover has a severe phobia to CLOWNS and CROSSDRESSERS. No disrespect meant to members of either of these proud recession-proof professions, but they just freak him out! Therefore, people from either of these groups that are dressed in full garb will be barred from the meeting. No offence, but drag queens can forego the makeup for a few hours if they really want to attend. As a compromise, The Prophet will allow CROSSDRESSERS admittance if they are wearing a BURKA with just their eyes showing. NO SARIS! CHICKS WITH DICKS are welcome to attend provided they look REALLY HOT and are TOTALLY PASSABLE (yah, like the rest of you straight guys have never jerked off to she-male porn). We’ll figure out what to do with the TRANSGENDERED people on a case-by-case basis.

FAG HAG OUTREACH: There is nothing more pitiful than a career FAG HAG that hasn’t seen a straight cock since the 90’s. Therefore, in exchange for Dimitri The Lover’s gracious offer of attendance to our sacred penocentric meeting, we ask all fags that have a posse of FAG HAGS orbiting around them to show their appreciation by bringing a FAG HAG or two to the event, for passing off to the straight/bisexual men and lesbians in attendance. You would be doing the FAG HAG a huge favour! Think of it kind of like donating some food items that you have collected over the years but consider too yucky to eat, to the food bank because other people are starving and may find them more appetizing than you do.

Meeting Announcements

⇒ November 2009