Meeting Announcements

⇒ December 2009


December 9, 2009


December is a month during which the masses worship their false idols and women SHOP SHOP SHOP in the belief that it will bring them HAP-PINESS … when really all they need is A-PENIS (now before you groan, just remember that it is a much better play on words when spoken with a French-Canadian accent because Frenchies don’t pronounce the H in front of words). These desperately underfucked, spiritually void, pathologically bored tri-orificed beings cannot fulfill their psychosexual needs at the shopping mall or big box store. And they are wandering these venues in a highly impressionable psychological state created by years of mindless yuletide ritual instilled through religious brainwashing.

They are all looking for a powerful man to worship. Most married women are being neglected by their pathetic husbands because the spineless wimps choose to work 60 hours a week to pay for their wives’ materialistic hoarding, rather than booting the gold digging whores out on the street. Most unmarried women are sexually frustrated because their boyfriends are feminized metrosexuals or body image-obsessed jocks, neither of which could fuck their way out of a wet paper bag, let alone bring their girlfriends to orgasm. And now that SARAH PALIN has been exiled to the far north, her finger is well away from the nuclear trigger … so the “end times” have been called off and Jesus is NOT coming. Therefore, the only thing that can inspire a woman to drop to her knees in worship is you and YOUR SACRED COCK !!!

As most people are aware, Dimitri The Lover is a MEDICAL DOCTOR. What you may not be aware of is that over the last 15 years he has developed a seduction protocol geared specifically to the “Holiday Season” which vastly increases your chances of conquering PSYCHOLOGICALLY SHELL-SHOCKED SHOPPING SLUTS (try saying that 5 times fast). The Prophet does not cut his hair for a couple of months leading up to December, lets the scruff on his face grow long, and in his Jesus-like state seduces women more proficiently than Rasputin in a Moscow brothel.

So the theme of our next TORONTO REAL MEN meeting is “STUFF MY STOCKING WITH HO HO HO’s!” It will feature Dimitri The Lover lecturing for 3 solid hours on WHERE to find depressed holiday sluts and HOW to approach them in a cordial yet efficient manner. Dimitri The Lover will teach you how to DETECT bored, lonely, highly impressionable shoppers, CHARM them by employing an approach which takes advantage of their “holiday blues”, SEDUCE them through the utilization of proven techniques that he has developed over time, and then sexually ENSLAVE them through the employment of magical religious thought protocols.

The Prophet will also illuminate you on how to seduce women during one of the biggest relationship dumping seasons ever … the week after New Year’s Day. It is imperative that newly single women be seduced very skillfully & delicately during this time period. Due to their recently bad experiences with limp-dicked metrosexual & jock boyfriends and workaholic husbands, they all resent anyone with a penis. Therefore, you must differentiate yourself from the herd with very carefully selected, comforting phrases and reassuring sentiments that will make them feel safe in your arms and simultaneously evoke that “new lover smell”.

Please be aware that several men sent e-mails of praise to Dimitri The Lover after attending the February 2009 TORONTO REAL MEN meeting where he taught men how to pick up ROMANTICALLY SHELL-SHOCKED SLUTS the day after Valentine’s Day. These sluts were shown to frequent the exact places The Prophet recommended, and the pick-up lines he provided attendees worked like a charm. The powerful seduction tools presented at the December 2009 meeting will be just as impressive!

***WARNING*** If you are a hardcore bible-thumper then save everyone a lot of distress and please DO NOT ATTEND THIS MEETING. The moment you express the thought that some invisible man in the sky is looking down and frowning upon Dimitri The Lover’s attitudes or actions, you will be expelled from the venue. Dimitri The Lover is a staunch atheist and religious people WILL be offended. Don’t get him wrong: The Prophet defends your right to live your life by the teachings of whatever false prophet you wish … in the same way that he defends the rights of schizophrenics to believe that the government has implanted microchips in their brains to monitor and steal their thoughts. But let’s face it: Jesus probably did not exist, and even if he did, he was surely NOT sinless and definitely did NOT come back from the dead. The only man that ever lived who was truly sinless was ROY ORBISON.

Meeting Announcements

⇒ December 2009